There are some obstacles in life that I have the hardest time trying to make sense of. You go through some form of pain or difficulty and you get through it, but the end results seem pointless. Or, on the other hand, you go through a state of happiness and content just to have it end just as soon as it began? And I guess I spend too much time trying to string logic through these “random” events and I can never get them to connect. They never form some neatly packaged “Moral of the Story” scenario. Just a bunch of random clusters of simple happiness or complex issues scattered throughout our lives. Now I know looking forward is the best course of action but you can’t help but ponder on these events.
Could I please experience a life lesson that doesn’t involve my heart or my sanity? Can’t I learn from something indirect for once? Must I stay in this continuous loop of re-building and repairing from yet another stumble in life? Come on! I have enough emotional scrapes, bruises, and scars for now. Let’s try a nice stretch of peace and serenity for a change. Simplicity. Quiet. No tears or frustration or starting over.
It’s like starting the same race over and over again. The first time, you fail because you don’t know what you are doing. But you keep trying. You learn more about the track, what your weaknesses are, where you get your second wind, etc… But sometimes, it feels like you are not going to reach that finish line. You will just keep falling and starting over. Even with a stand full of fans (aka family and friends) cheering you on, it can get to you after I while. I’m tired, my legs hurt, and I’m bleeding from falling. Can I please sit this one out?
And this is where faith comes in. Faith is that conditioning, the training, the extra workouts, anything that prepares you for the race. Knowing you are doing all you can to prepare for these failed races in life. Knowing that you will get to the end of the race successfully. Sometimes when you fall enough times, you start to lost faith in your abilities. It happens. Yes, you have overcome a lot of obstacles, a lot of hurdles if you will, but then that track looks so long. Never-ending. Starting over again gets to be too much. And the thing is I know that no matter what I go through, I will make it through, I will be ok. I already know I will recover because I have done it so many times before.
As I am writing this, I think I realize I need to extend my faith beyond myself. I need to have faith in the outcome of situations and experiences. I learn that though I hurt right now, something better is coming. I have to learn to have more faith in the positive future beyond the finish line.
I guess I have some more training to do.