Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Death to Good Luck Charlene

If you don’t know by now, I like to reference pop culture in my blogs. This one combines my tweak to the titles for the movies Death to Smoochy plus Good Luck Chuck. Seeing Death to Smoochy will not improve your comprehension of this blog so…no research required. However, I am writing this assuming that most of you have seen the movie Good Luck Chuck. Sorry if you haven’t. It is amusing. To summarize the main plot, it is about a guy that women seek out to have sex with because after they do, the next man that is their future husband.

Now, before you make the connection, no, that is not the case with me. Nasty, lol.

I am not magical and cannot help you find your future soul mate.  This has more to do with a similar, and unhealthy, line of thinking that after someone has been with you, they find the person they are supposed to be with. And it doesn’t matter on what level, just some level beyond a platonic friendship. As if you were their stepping stone to someone better. You’d be surprised how many people have this line of thinking. I used to somewhat. The men I had been with found happiness after me, after we broke up.

Feel free to openly laugh at me at this point.

Ok, that’s enough, punk. Lol.

That is simply not the case. No one has a magical…uh…anything that propels someone to the arms of their true love. And there is no reason for you to think this way. It took a very amazing experience with someone very special to wake me up from this self-destructive thinking. It really is, people. Stop TNT-ing yourself.

The reason they found someone else is because they learned from their mistakes and moved on. They grew from whatever went wrong with your relationship, grew as a person and grew up. They didn’t spend endless hours agonizing over what went wrong and longing for the past. Not to dismiss your significance in their life but, clearly, they moved on. And many of us face this problem of lamenting over lost loves. Or, worse, trying to dissect every aspect of that failed relationship to find the cause of death. Not worth the time (I have done that too). 

Growth is the only way you can move on. Seriously. Sometimes it is hard because all you can do is see the pain or anger from the last relationship. Maybe you have given up on ever finding someone and think there is no one out there for you. You can’t live like that. You will not find a happy future if you live today with pain of your past. I have tried and failed time and time again. You are not cursed to be single for the rest of your life. Come on, even you don’t believe that to be true. And if you do, do better.

It is an amazing experience when you wake up and realize that the person in all of this that needs to change is you. Ha ha, it’s not them, it’s YOU!

Ok, that even made me laugh.

But that is a great thing. Take this time to reflect on your life and where you stand. Are you happy? Are you capable of making yourself happy? If not, time for some changes. Take time out of the dating scene (or cut buddy scene) and make some life changes. Time alone doesn’t have to be a lonesome time. Yes, long nights are in your future but that doesn’t mean this time won’t be meaningful and worth it.

And I am not speaking to you from the Land of the Shiny, Happy People. I am still working on that. I am speaking to you from Just Woke Up (With Some Sleep Still in the Corner of My Eye) Land. I just learned this lesson and I am at the start of my journey. Just thought I would share my discovery with you.

So if you still aren’t convinced, well, continue on your Good Luck state of mind and enjoy loneliness (just saying). But if you ready to make that change for happiness, assassinate your Charlie or Charlene. Ok, ok,  if assassinate is too violent of an image  (stop being so sensitive people…), just push him or her out of your way.

Bottom line: Do better, be better.