My Life Needs A Reboot

There has been a negative change of events lately. I have slowed watched myself drift into an uncaring,lackadaisical existence. Previously,I was focused on many changes in life but something shifted. The focus has become less laser and more lazy. I am not focused at work or home life. I am just meandering through my every day with no real results. Productivity has dropped and motivation has come to a halt. It’s like someone with bad eyesight removing their corrective eyewear and seeing nothing but blurred lines and objects.

Myopic living.

It is the strangest feeling when you recognize that you are not doing the right thing but do nothing to change. I can cheer others on all day long. Hold them accountable for their actions and tasks but lapse ion myself. I am my own laziest fan. Ha!

I can’t live like this. I won’t move forward. I will become stagnant in a life that I don’t want to have but care so little to change. I have faced problems like this before and have had temporary success and then lapse back into my sloth-like behavior. One of my biggest obstacles is my inability to follow through. I can start a project or idea with overflowing passion and,soon after,it fizzles out. It dissipates. Just evaporates. Then I move on to the next great idea. It’s frustrating. Who knows how many wonderful ideas I could have completed with some follow through?

Come on. This is me. At least two of them would have been successes. Just saying…

So how do I change this lifelong behavior? How do I restart now that I have recognized this problem?What changes can be made to hold myself accountable for everyday accomplishments and completed tasks?

Still working that part out.

To be continued…

Racing to Happiness

There are some obstacles in life that I have the hardest time trying to make sense of. You go through some form of pain or difficulty and you get through it, but the end results seem pointless. Or, on the other hand, you go through a state of happiness and content just to have it end just as soon as it began? And I guess I spend too much time trying to string logic through these “random” events and I can never get them to connect. They never form some neatly packaged “Moral of the Story” scenario. Just a bunch of random clusters of simple happiness or complex issues scattered throughout our lives. Now I know looking forward is the best course of action but you can’t help but ponder on these events.

Could I please experience a life lesson that doesn’t involve my heart or my sanity? Can’t I learn from something indirect for once? Must I stay in this continuous loop of re-building and repairing from yet another stumble in life? Come on! I have enough emotional scrapes, bruises, and scars for now. Let’s try a nice stretch of peace and serenity for a change. Simplicity. Quiet. No tears or frustration or starting over.

It’s like starting the same race over and over again. The first time, you fail because you don’t know what you are doing. But you keep trying. You learn more about the track, what your weaknesses are, where you get your second wind, etc… But sometimes, it feels like you are not going to reach that finish line. You will just keep falling and starting over. Even with a stand full of fans (aka family and friends) cheering you on, it can get to you after I while. I’m tired, my legs hurt, and I’m bleeding from falling. Can I please sit this one out?

Sigh.

And this is where faith comes in. Faith is that conditioning, the training, the extra workouts, anything that prepares you for the race. Knowing you are doing all you can to prepare for these failed races in life. Knowing that you will get to the end of the race successfully. Sometimes when you fall enough times, you start to lost faith in your abilities. It happens. Yes, you have overcome a lot of obstacles, a lot of hurdles if you will, but then that track looks so long. Never-ending. Starting over again gets to be too much. And the thing is I know that no matter what I go through, I will make it through, I will be ok. I already know I will recover because I have done it so many times before.

As I am writing this, I think I realize I need to extend my faith beyond myself. I need to have faith in the outcome of situations and experiences. I learn that though I hurt right now, something better is coming. I have to learn to have more faith in the positive future beyond the finish line.

I guess I have some more training to do.