Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sad to say, this is more than a wonderful Lauryn Hill song. This applies to my life currently... And a few years ago. Sorry, that was a little too vague. I have my reasons though. Out of respect for someone I love, I won't go into details.
This blog is about the other woman. Not necessarily the chick on the side, but the former or current girlfriend and the jealously that drives them both. Sadly, I have played both of these roles.
Let's start with the current girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, has the man. Someone's former man. That is the part that bothers some women: who was he with before me? What was she like? Is she pretty? ("prettier than me" is what I really want to know). Did you love her (...more than me)? Why is her number still in your phone?
And the jealous bitch has reared her ugly head. Now the obsession begins. Now, some women will start an argument about it and nag on and on about every little detail about her man's ex. And it is usually to the point of "if you don't let that shit go, I may shake the shit out of you!" (see, that is why I have few female friends. They are crazy).
But then you have the bold few that actually try to find out about the ex on their own. Calls, text messages, emails, etc… You get the point. The ones that cross the line of "hey, I might me a little jealous" to "yeah, I called the bitch you haven't talked to in months… and?"
My advice: Let that shit go. He is with you, right? If he wanted to be with his ex, he would be.
If you keep looking to his past, you will miss your future with him.
Now, the ex girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, no longer has the man. The man that is someone else's boo now. Because you lost that title, you are obsessed with knowing why. Why isn't he mine anymore? What could I have changed? Why is he with her instead of me? She ain't as cute as me. She damn sure can't do what I did for him. Matter of fact, she doesn't deserve him. (That is the point when your insecurities develop into anger and, yes, jealously). Jealously is a bitch! It can make the most rational, well-educated woman morph into a foul-mouthed, neck-swinging, insult dropping psycho! He's got a new bitch, huh? Well let me call her and let her know what's up. Tell her what we did hw he liked this and that, and why he will drop you too.
My advice: Let that shit go!!! He's an ex for a reason, right? If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If you keep looking to your past, you will miss your future with anyone else.
Two different issues, same advice. Damn shame.
I'm been the jealous girlfriend (with reason, he actually was cheating on me with his ex) and have suffered the backlash of the jealous ex (twice!) But I put that in the past.. because I understand where both of these women are coming from. I don't have time to play those roles anymore. Don't want to. I can never get that wasted time back. Like I said, jealousy is a bitch!
My point today is… hell, I think I lost my point. Lol
Sisters, don't fall victim to men's stereotypes of women being crazy and jealous.
Be confident in what (or who) you have and love it.
Didn't mean to go all Maya Angelou on you. I had a lot more anger planned but seemed to have lost it. Lol. Sorry. (damn maturity)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
***Blog note: This is an older blog I published in December 2006. It is a favorite because it talked about an ideal I try to hold on to everyday: DBBB (Do Better, Be Better). Hope you enjoy***
DBBB... Do Better, Be Better. Ever heard that before? I don't just want to do better...I need to be better.
Confused? You shouldn't be. It's the one thing we all strive for and want out of life.
Happiness. Corny sounding, I know, but it is the truth. Problem is we have lost sight of what it means to obtain happiness.
My generation is a generation of obtainers. We like nice things: fancy cars, fine jewelry, big house, things like that. Material things. We spend and spend trying to do better than the next guy. We try to do better than the Joneses because, well, how else will others see our successes? But we keep chasing a dream we may never catch.
Think back for a second. As you grew up, you always looked ahead at better times. For example…when you were 12, you wanted to be 13. At 13, you wanted to be 15. At 15, 16 was what was cool. At 16, you wanted to be grown up at 18. At 18, well, we all want to be legal at 21. 21 lead to a desire to be 25. And now, for most of my friends and me, we are looking ahead to 30. 30 is our new magic number. It's the status we want to obtain. 30.
So what does 30 hold for us?
We see 30 as the time when we will be at out happiest (at least for now). We will have the job we want, the car we want, and the house/apartment/townhouse of our dreams. Many of my guy friends have settled on 30 as the age in which they will settle down with a good woman. No more chasing hoes. Time for the wife and kids.
Here is the only problem I find with striving for 30. I know quite a few 30+ year olds and, believe me, they dont have it good. They are trying to make it just like us under-30 year olds in the same situation s, same problems, and same drama. Just older.
So how is 30 looking now, people? I ask this question of my peers…how is life right now? Forget about getting to 30. How is life today for you? Good? Bad? Ehhh? So-So?
Yeah, I feel the same way.
And so the reason for this blog…do better, be better. This isn't about the material gains. It's about being happy before you buy all of that stuff. TVs break. Cars get totaled. Jewelry gets lost. And then what are you left with? A bunch of bills? An empty feeling? Unfulfilled? Yeah, I will pass on that.
I have been so used to feeling SSDD all the time: same shhh, different day. The same old routine that has been a burden to me for far too long. I am not out here to live the monotonous, everyday life. I want better than that. I want better than the rut I have been reduced to. Or let myself get used to. (Ha…I rhymed!)
So damn the SSDD. It's time for DBBB. Do better, be better.
Many of my friends are practicing that now. I have people in law school, medical school, getting their master's, PhD's, making doors of opportunity open for themselves. They aren't waiting for some magic age to break out. They are making it happen now.
Obtaining the material things isn't going to cut it for me. Granted, a car and apartment are necessary for me right now, I don't have to be in the best. I just need to be happy. I don't want the newest TV, newest car or best entertainment system. None of that is going to help me in the long run. Just fulfill a temporary need until I see something that someone else has and then the whole process starts again. I don't need a life of trying to catch up with others and their purchases. I would never be happy if that was the case. Always running to catch up. I'm going to get tired eventually and then what? I am stuck with stuff I don't want anymore because it is not the best.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best of everything. It just shouldn't be the driving force for your actions. You should be. Your family and friends should be. The desire to be fulfilled and content with life. That is what I am trying to get. That is what I want. So, go ahead and do better…get the material things. But be better as well. Work on getting to the point that all those material possessions are just icing on the cake. Not the cake itself.
It is here...at last! Life Straight Up With A Twist!
I have been blogging for years to a limited audience but now, my hope, is to reach more people. Not that I have life-changing, moving revolutionary thoughts and ideas. Believe me, the world will not gain peace from my blogs. However, I am here to entertain, bring some funnies into your lives, maybe a few LoL's and possibly make you laugh so hard, you either snort or let one go. (I will try to limit those. :) )
Now for the warnings...
1. I am very sarcastic! Some people find that offensive... and people like that I find to be idiots.
2. I curse! Deal with it or move on!
3. I make lots of cultural references: movies, TV shows, music, theatre, literature, etc... Education required! Don't be embarrassed if you have to look something up. Take the time to do so. You may learn something.
4. Speaking of education, I DO NOT plan to "dumb down" anything. Not that you will need a Master's to read my blogs, however, I am not writing to a 3rd grade level. Really?? Who does that??
5. I have a tendency to be long-winded. Just continue to follow what seems to be randomness and ramblings to their final and worthwhile end. (See... that wasn't too bad, was it?)
Hmmm... I think that is it. I will be posting some older blogs on here (some of my favorites) but also plenty to fresh items.
Think you can handle this?
On with the show!