Monday, May 3, 2010

Can't Nobody Hold Me Down :)

**Repost from Myspace Blog from October 01, 2008**

Yes, I am quoting a song again. Shut up! Lol.
So in my past blogs, I gave you some insight into some of my flaws. Basically… I have been a crazy woman before. (Yeah, I know guys, no surprise.)
But I have lots of flaws:
-I am so prideful at times I will lie to protect myself from embarrassed (another blog).
-I make bad choices because I hope for the best.
-I wait until the last minute to do things.
-I have had delusions of sticking through bad situations because I KNOW how much I will be appreciated later (yet another blog).

The list goes on and on. And each time something goes wrong, I fall flat on my face. Feeling hurt, heart broken, pride taken away, just the sight of me crying (ugly crying) feeling sorry for myself. Believe me, not too many people have seen Fragile Tammy. And I rather they don't. (See, being prideful again).

In the past, I have written a lot of angry blogs because of this pain. I can't seem to get it right. I try to be happier, I try new things, I take chances and ish doesn't work out. I got to the point that I thought I would never be happy in any aspect of my life. When I seem to get happy, something goes wrong and it's taken away from me. Why even try? Just be miserable and expect the worse. You are never let down.
But a great thing happened to me years ago. I hit rock bottom.

As I have told some of you, the best thing to happen to me was the worst part of my life. I won't go into details (pride, pride, pride) but I can tell you life has never been worse than that period in my life.

So yes, I get discouraged when things don't go my way. Yes, I cry when my heart is broken and I am alone again. And yes, I get angry and sad when someone interferes with something that has made me just happy in the last few weeks. I quickly gave thought to giving up and moving on. Why waste the energy?

Not happening! I will be a fool and go for it anyway. I will figure out a way to make things right for me.

(Says Serenity prayer silently to herself)

So whatever obstacles or issues stand in my way, I will just have to face them reasonably. Not to the point that other will get hurt in the process though. I never take others down with me. Your issues and insecurities will not interfere with the happiness!

"Can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving!" :)

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