Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Ex Factor: Part 1

**Another oldie but still quite relevant. Oct '08"**

Sad to say, this is more than a wonderful Lauryn Hill song. This applies to my life currently... And a few years ago. Sorry, that was a little too vague. I have my reasons though. Out of respect for someone I love, I won't go into details.

This blog is about the other woman. Not necessarily the chick on the side, but the former or current girlfriend and the jealously that drives them both. Sadly, I have played both of these roles.
Let's start with the current girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, has the man. Someone's former man. That is the part that bothers some women: who was he with before me? What was she like? Is she pretty? ("prettier than me" is what I really want to know). Did you love her (...more than me)? Why is her number still in your phone?

And the jealous bitch has reared her ugly head. Now the obsession begins. Now, some women will start an argument about it and nag on and on about every little detail about her man's ex. And it is usually to the point of "if you don't let that shit go, I may shake the shit out of you!" (see, that is why I have few female friends. They are crazy).

But then you have the bold few that actually try to find out about the ex on their own. Calls, text messages, emails, etc… You get the point. The ones that cross the line of "hey, I might me a little jealous" to "yeah, I called the bitch you haven't talked to in months… and?"
My advice: Let that shit go. He is with you, right? If he wanted to be with his ex, he would be.
If you keep looking to his past, you will miss your future with him.
Now, the ex girlfriend. She is the one that, of course, no longer has the man. The man that is someone else's boo now. Because you lost that title, you are obsessed with knowing why. Why isn't he mine anymore? What could I have changed? Why is he with her instead of me? She ain't as cute as me. She damn sure can't do what I did for him. Matter of fact, she doesn't deserve him. (That is the point when your insecurities develop into anger and, yes, jealously). Jealously is a bitch! It can make the most rational, well-educated woman morph into a foul-mouthed, neck-swinging, insult dropping psycho! He's got a new bitch, huh? Well let me call her and let her know what's up. Tell her what we did hw he liked this and that, and why he will drop you too.
My advice: Let that shit go!!! He's an ex for a reason, right? If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If you keep looking to your past, you will miss your future with anyone else.
Two different issues, same advice. Damn shame.
I'm been the jealous girlfriend (with reason, he actually was cheating on me with his ex) and have suffered the backlash of the jealous ex (twice!) But I put that in the past.. because I understand where both of these women are coming from. I don't have time to play those roles anymore. Don't want to. I can never get that wasted time back. Like I said, jealousy is a bitch!

My point today is… hell, I think I lost my point. Lol
Sisters, don't fall victim to men's stereotypes of women being crazy and jealous.
Be confident in what (or who) you have and love it.
Didn't mean to go all Maya Angelou on you. I had a lot more anger planned but seemed to have lost it. Lol. Sorry. (damn maturity)
That's all.

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